12 Relationship Lessons I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago!

Over the years like any woman, I’ve learned a series of valuable lessons from men. For awhile, I was ashamed of them wondering how it makes me look as a Christian woman, but as you get older, you become more free and willing to be vulnerable to others. So, today, I write this in hopes of helping any other young women out there avoid my mistakes with men and relationships. 

1. You cannot teach/pursue/persuade a man saved or unsaved to love you, only God can change a man’s heart.

If you are pursuing a man, it will only lead to insecurity in yourself and in your relationship. You will always wonder if he would have chosen you, had you not always been around to push/pursue him first. If you find yourself doing the work in the relationship or friendship (that could lead to a potential relationship), you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment.

2. If you are sexually attracted to a man, you cannot be alone with him and think that Jesus will stay in the center. The more time you spend with him, the more the attraction grows. Use wisdom wisely.

I think sometimes we think we are stronger than we really are, but the truth is that as humans we all have natural attractions. Be wise in time spent and motives behind why someone wants to spend time with you only around a certain part of day or night. This is easier said than done. If I guy is calling you over to his house at night for a movie, it may not be good to go. Use discretion.

3. Your emotions are not always the truth.

You may feel like a man doesn’t love you or doesn’t do this or that. But, unless you both have communicated, your thoughts are just assumptions. And, if not communicated properly, your assumptions can lead to feelings that will ultimately destroy your relationship. 

4. A man cannot and will not fill every void in your life.

Some women expect a man to be psychic and just know how to love them in every way. The truth is love is a process with a lot of communication. The only person that can fill every void in your life is Jesus Christ. Assuming a man can fill the role of Jesus is automatically setting him up to fail. The last thing a man wants is a draining woman. 

5. Abandon all rules of how a man will come into your life.

Abandon all preconceived notions of what he will look like and how you want him to be. For many women, this keeps us locked into a box unable to really see the truth about ourselves and about the person pursuing us. The best advice I can give is to let God write your love story. He doesn’t need your help, he just needs your willingness. You may have desires and even make confessions concerning what you desire in a man, but also be open to other options. God often works in the other options department. 

6. Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s relationship. Comparing yourself or your relationship is an immediate road to disappointment. When you compare in any area, you often leave feeling as if you got the short end of the stick. Be thankful in what you have and know that the road God has for you is for you. Also, you never know what is happening in relationships behind closed doors, you may be envying something, when there is really nothing to be envied. 

7. Date a man you can dream with.

Dreams are intimate. The most intimate thing you can do with a man is dream God dreams. Working together on a goal or a ministry is often why God calls some together. If you can see God in your future together, then you probably do have a future together. 

8. Don’t rush God’s timing because you have an internal time clock.

You may be 30+ (like me) but, don’t allow your age to rush you in the getting to know process of a man. Time means Till I'm Mature Enough. Sometimes we think we are ready to dive head first in when we're really not. 

9. Make the relationship focus FUN!!!

Have fun with whoever you are dating. Laugh much! Many relationships die prematurely because both parties are too deep, or too heavy. Fun is an essential ingredient to happiness. God wants you both happy. You should enjoy his company and vice-versa. 

10. Study how a man treats people in his life.

How he treats others will probably be a predictor of how he will later treat you (after the honeymoon stage). If he is mean, inconsistent, and rude to others, he may do the same to you. His character is an immediate reflection of his legacy. 

11. Trust God and keep him at the center. 

God is the author of relationships. He wants the best for you. Keeping God at the center of your relationship is important. Having a relationship with Jesus Christ will help you navigate the do's and don'ts of your relationship. He will give you wisdom specific to you. 

12. Be careful of what you share with others.

You may be forgiving, but your friends and family aren't. Be careful of little comments you make around others. This may hurt their ability to support your relationship in the future.


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