5 Comforts Every Man Should Have From A Woman
God is love, but unfortunately relationships are not that simple today. With marriages ending prematurely, break-ups causing relationship scars for women and men that spill into new relationships, and the world consistently changing the standards one should desire in a healthy relationship, we need a reminder of what helps a successful relationship.
We must remind ourselves that God wants us in a happy, whole, positive, and fruitful relationship with an individual that will mirror his love. God designed relationships to mirror himself and ourselves in those that we love, so that we could see a reflection of his heart for us through others. God designed relationships to multiply the earth, to be fruitful, and to establish legacies that change the trajectory of the world. God is not the cause for bad relationships, but our choices are. Our inability to be selfless, vulnerable, and honest with the people we meet is what sets the foundation for a toxic relationship. Most of us have experienced toxic relationships, and while some of us have been able to move on and readjust, there are others who are stuck in the wounds of what someone did or did not do during the course of what they thought was a loving relationship.
Although, there are countless blogs and information on what a woman needs, and how a woman should be treated, I wanted to write a blog on what men need. In a society, where half of the generation is fatherless or coming from an abusive household, it's important that we identify what men do need in a relationship. This blog today is written from that perspective and I pray it serves as a reminder for those of you who are in good relationships to reevaluate issues in yourself, your relationship, and your life. I must also state, that this blog is written from a Christian perspective. For if God is love, how can one truly know love without God?
Listed below are the five things that every man needs from a woman:
1. Your His Safe Place - Providing Comfort, Stability, and Encouragement!
Men are confronted by so much in the world today. A man wants his woman to represent a safe place for him. Your home should be a place where he can relax from all the pressures he faces daily. I'm pretty sure there is not a man in the world who just loves drama, arguing, and fussing all the time. Be led, on when and how to address issues in your relationship. If a man is just getting off of work, the last thing he wants to do is come home and argue. And, if you're not married, what are some things you can do to let him know you support him, care for him, and ultimately make his concerns priority, which allows him to know he can trust you.
Secondly, a lot of men today have various issues (as do many women). Issues ranging from divorce, low self-esteem, coming from an abusive household, father issues, and the list goes on. If you're in a relationship with someone that has exhibited some questionable behavior, reach out to someone who can provide wisdom on the subject. Someone who is well-known and trustworthy. Some men (and some women) have to walk through a process of allowing God to heal them internally from whatever bad things may have happened in their life. Unfortunately, this is not a void that you can fill, and the only thing you can do is be supportive, provide comfort, and direct him to God. Many relationships fail because people have tricked themselves into thinking they can fill a void in someone's life and the truth is you can't. No one should feel the weight of having to be your everything. Only God can do that! And the good thing, is that God wants to do that!
2. You Mirror God's Love - Reflecting the Love Of The Father To The Love Of Your Life!
Relationships are hard work. Once the heavenly stage has passed and you realize you have to become one with a person, that's when the real work kicks in. God designed us to mirror his love. We are walking statues of God's love, his promises, and his heart. When you have an intimate relationship with God, he shows you unknown truths in your heart and in the heart of your mate with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Most people think the Holy Spirit is just their conscious, but its not. The Holy Spirit is the part of God that lives on the inside of you. Having this gift (that is free and available to all through the acceptance of Jesus Christ) is what guides you not only in relationships, but in life. There have been times I wanted to really give someone a piece of my mind, and the Holy Spirit literally told me to be quiet and listen to the other person. Just by listening I may have noticed that it was the wrong time to bring up what I originally was going to talk about, or that perhaps I just need to be a listening ear for them.
God's love is peaceful, kind, encouraging, comforting, passionate, and it covers you. When you're in a relationship with Christ, you learn how to treat others by how he treats you. When you're in a relationship with a man, trust God to show that man what you need, but also allow God to mirror his love for that man through you. Being selfless is hard, but when you trust God you understand that you having the ability to put another before yourself is the true act of Christ. Jesus put others before himself all the time and it changed the world. Mirror God's love to your husband, boyfriend, or even friend. Decide today, that your life and your actions will mirror the love of our Heavenly Father.
3. You Influence His Life, But You Don't Control It - You Can Influence His Mind, But Only God Can Change His Heart!
People like control. Most people argue over control in the areas of money, important decisions, household rules, and so much more. Having control sounds great, but in actuality it can damage relationships when both people are unwilling to compromise. For many people having control gives the appearance of superiority and status, but one person being in control all the time is really not the answer. Whenever an issue arises in your relationship, go to God first. Talk to God and tell him exactly how you feel and then wait for God to tell you how he feels. When I've done this, I've learned that God always shows me the other person's perception and what I most likely did wrong or need to improve myself. When I wait on God to sort through the mess, he gives me strategy on how to approach it and he conditions my heart and the other persons heart to receive what needs to be communicated.
I've reminded of one of my friends who asked her husband for something specifically. It wasn't an outlandish request. She wanted to color her hair. Simple, right? Well, her husband had grown accustomed to her beauty just the way she was and so he would say no (jokingly, but we knew he was serious). Well, she had to have talked to God about it because just a few weeks later, he came to her and said "Baby, I wanna pay for you to get your hair done! I know you've wanted a new look and a new hair do and I just wanna give you whatever you want!" It was amazing, God had changed his heart. And from that day forward, he was open to whatever she wanted to do with her hair. Although, this example is very simplistic, my suggestion would be to communicate whatever desire that needs to be changed to God and to your partner, and then rest in God's ability to change his heart. Who knows? God may change your heart!
4. You remember the Simple Things - Making him feel loved and appreciated through the details!
The thing I love about God is that he pays attention to the details. It always makes me feel special to know that someone so big would pay attention to someone so small, like me. As humans, we are the same way, love is all about the details. Life is busy. Everyone is working, raising their children, starting a business, starting a ministry, getting out of debt, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes we can get so busy, that we forget love is all about the details. People feel loved when we give them our time, our attention, our affection, our ears to listen, and our money (lol). Sometimes you have to remind yourself that a man wants to feel loved and appreciated, and one way to do that is to pay attention to the little things. His favorite drink, meal, movie, game, and place to hang out, are all things you need to know. The best thing I can say is to find ways to help him eliminate his stress. When he is unstressed, that means he gives you his best. A man feels great when he knows you went out of your way to make him feel loved and appreciated. Actions speak louder than words!
5. You not only Know the Word of God, but you Live It! - Living the Love You Believe In!
There are a lot of Christians who can quote any scripture in the bible, but when you examine their life, your realize that they don't practice what they preach. Most people do not like a hypocrite. A hypocrite is someone that in the presence of people they exhibit perfect behavior, but behind closed doors, they are a mean-spirited, sneaky (deceitful, trifling, demonic, hard-hearted, unforgiving, etc...) person with flaws they are unwilling to expose to others.
Relationships thrive off of vulnerability. The ability to be vulnerable (let all your guards down) with an individual is priceless when done with the right individual. Furthermore, being vulnerable with God is a prerequisite before being vulnerable with anyone else. It is important that the same person you are in public is the same person you are behind closed doors. One of the reasons my parents relationship failed was because at the church, they were the perfect couple, but in our house, they were enemies. Growing up and seeing that, put a passion in my heart to always live a life of truth and to share that truth with the man God places in my life. Men cherish a woman who knows the Word of God, uses the Word of God, but most importantly, lives the Word of God.
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