Life After Loss: My Story
As I reflect, one of the worst decisions I made as a teenager, was to not walk in love towards others and towards myself. By the age of 15, I had dealt with a lot in life. I had lost my father at the age of 10, and buried my mother at the age of 15. Although, people were there to support me, the burden of their death was heavy on me.
Like typical teenagers, I thought I knew it all. I had an attitude for anything and everything. I built walls to protect myself and keep others out. I figured I was God’s biggest and only mistake. After all, didn’t he know my parents would die? Why create me so I could experience that? Simply put, I was just lost in the abyss of life. At first glance, I looked normal, I had good grades and typically tried to make good decisions. But, on the inside I was struggling. Losing both of them to AIDS had literally sucked all life out of me, and I did not want to live.
I woke up everyday and went to school normal, participated in group activities and did what typical teenagers did. But at night, I’d lay awake in my bed, begging for God to come and get me too, so I could be with my parents again. My family tried to support me, but they didn’t understand what it was like to lose everything you had known so early in life.
When I gave my life completely to Jesus, I had a lot of issues. I had questions of why and how, and did he love me? I realized the enemy had created a foundation of lies in my head, that Jesus had to unravel one by one. Jesus had to show me his undying love, and comfort every broken place in my heart.
Now, as an adult I look back to those times I did not want to live. I was depressed and very much suicidal. I didn’t find much value in life, until I really allowed God to transform me. I went from blaming God for the things that hurt me, to praising God for how he kept me.
Literally, I felt as if I had nothing to depend on or lean on. I felt alone and when I look back I realize, God saved my life!
If you are experiencing grief, sorrow, pain, condemnation, or any burden, I would like to challenge you to give that to God. God turned my losses into love, and he shows me his love everyday.
When I was younger, I didn’t know I would be a teacher. I didn’t know I would minister to youth, I didn’t know I would need a story to tell that could impact others.
God took all of my losses and loved me through all of them. And, now, my testimony is love.
Let him do the same for you!